If Only You Knew…

Sitting here at my desk with my work laptop, two screens and a phone. My own desk. Is this a thing my younger self dreamed of? No… More likely acting in a blockbuster movie by the age of 16. Oh, how dreams die young.

Let me explain the fact that I thought my current job somehow fit into a dream my younger self may have had. Similar to the feeling I had the first time I stepped into IKEA (as an adult). That younger self dream being ‘it’s such fun imagining these things being in my future grown up world’. Main difference between IKEA and my job is that I still have those dream thoughts in adult Disneyland (IKEA).

Side note: This Thanksgiving I am thankful it is already Thursday afternoon – this thought comes to you from one of the first countries to experience the 23 November, but also not celebrate it. I am hoping little ole New Zealand gets some cyber Monday benefits.

Back to my point… FYI there may not be one.

Dreams and ideas are a funny thing. Little me would have loved the opportunity I have now, but sometimes dreams let you down. Expectations verse realities. Nowadays I find myself dreaming of consistent air conditioning in the office and appreciation from customers. Where have all the big dreams gone? I am finally at a stage in my life where I have the ability to go for my dream, but it is as if it has been drowned out by reality.

Let’s go back to the days of wanting to be something without worrying about bills, the housing market, ageing and uncertainty. Just go for it. Have a dream and try your damned hardest to get there. It may not end up being what you expected or the right choice, but at least you gave your dream your best shot.

I really should take my own advise. Instead I am reaching the end of my lunch break and heading back to my desk. Somewhat bitter about this post.

Thanks for reading

Dreamer out

Working Full Time and Doing YouTube

Gone are my days of working full time and maintaining a two day a week upload schedule. I do not have a clue how I handled that for as long (or perhaps little) as I did. My current job is definitely more stressful and time consuming than the one I had when said YouTube channel was regularly utilised while living in the UK. Moving back home, you would think one would have more time on their hands. One does not. In fact one has a new found respect for the energy I once had.

I enjoy my job as much as the next person. The next person being mildly satisfied with their career. It is more intense and boy do I miss uploading. I want to start making videos twice a week again, but there is no way I can maintain that. I do not believe once weekly is even a plausible option.

I miss video me. YouTube is hard work, even just for fun. I turned on monetisation and then off and then on and then off and I’m not too sure where we’re currently at with that pattern. In the smallest hope that my little time and energy that I have left with work is somehow worth it. A stupid thought, as YouTube is 100% worth it for my own sanity.

I envy those who can do this full time, but I also admire them. It’s hard work. A lot harder than anyone thinks. The ideas are sometimes taxing, but the part I love the most. Whether you have to search for a video idea or they just come natuarally, it’s a creative task. Next comes the scripting (you end up needing some form of a script), the filming,the editing, the uploading and sharing. It all takes time and energy and it is for the most part all on you.

I don’t really know what the point of this was… Maybe a note to realise people who make it on YouTube and even smaller channels DO work hard and they DO deserve what they have. Along with some luck, but try not to ignore their hard work.

Wannabe YouTuber Out Xx

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